I made it home safely, and being back is, for lack of a better term, strange. I have found it difficult accepting the drastic differences between the poorest country in the western hemisphere to our first world country.
In the hospital everything is so clean, organized and structured. We have all the medical supplies we need. I am not spending my time running around for equipment. The work flow is smooth. The lights stay on when it rains. And it all makes Haiti feel so far away. I am glad that I have my pictures, my fellow volunteers, and my contacts in haiti to remind me that what I experienced was real and not another vivid dream of mine. I really did see what it means for people to suffer. I have been among the poorest of the poor. And I have seen the beauty within the Haitian people. A kind of beauty that comes from people who thrive off of nothing but the love for each other.
I dont see that same beauty here. Here the patients don't respect you as much. They don't laugh as often. They don't have huge smiles when they see you. They have less visitors. They are bored. Two of my patients this week were meth abusers- seeking drugs to kill the time, "ease the pain." One of which who talked to herself all day in animated voices, the other one would randomly start sobbing and as I consoled her she would tell me her perspective of a difficult life. She had 9 children and I did not see one come to visit during the 3 days that I cared for her. Another patient was visibly depressed and discharged home on a trial run of prozac. I cant help but notice the irony of the whole situation. People here are suffering too, in a different way - psychologically, emotionally, and existentially. And I can't help but think that something is wrong here. Aren't we living in the first world, arent we supposed to be better off, arent we supposed to have everything.